Our daily routine in Kea's ashram of course included yoga.

I had done a bit of yoga back at home, being an Iyengar brown belt, but my master introduced us to his own form of yoga. Kea’s view is that in the West, yoga is fake because it pretends to be about spiritual things but really it’s just about fashion and body obsession. My master’s technique is much truer unto itself.

Called Pradah Yoga, it is an exercise, breathing and positive visualisation regime all in one. It has poses like “Stretch for Success”, which is a powerful extension with fingertips at full stretch towards a visualised luxury necessity, and “The Ostrich”, which is a full headstand on the floor, which allows you to ferret out any kipple that might have accumulated under your bed, a notorious kipple hot-spot.

During their daily Pradah Yoga routine, the novice is taught to powerfully visualise all the good things of life - stocks and shares, waterfront homes, European cars, designer clothes and precious jewels and objet’s d’art which will inevitably begin to cascade towards them from the simple act of tackling their kipple and confronting their shelves.

Our days were not only taken up with lectures and yoga though, as they are in other ashrams. Kea also had a host of very helpful practical techniques, and our afternoons were spent in the Domestic Core Design, Shelving Assembly Instructions Comprehension, Allen Key Specialisation and Basic Internal Maintenance huts. Our master had thought of everything, you see, but that is what makes him a guru.